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I was groggy tired asleep an slowly coming back to the world as I’m opening my eyes I’m staring directly at a crowd of about 14 preteen kids boys and girls between 10-14 years old opened wide eyed in awe mouth opened gasping as I’m awaking and realizing they are staring at me giggling and laughing at my naked body strapped to a chair legs and arms stretched out spread eagled. I was chloroformed knocked out kidnapped and brought to this basement facility stripped down and posted for exhibition for display non stop all day long. There were times the bully would come by grab a pointer start to poke me all over randomly verbally abusing me shaming me degrading me, proving he had the power to control whatever happened to me. Made me feel self worthless as if I were nothing but a mascot present for the kids to learn about the human body and the male productive system. Those kids were mind controlled to find the humor in all the debasing I was experiencing. They were trained to enjoy swallowing my pride and seeing me as a worthless human being, they would make suggestions randomly to the man to do to me, and laugh about it. I was never ever so humiliated and scared in my life. I thought I would ever get out. I was humbled by the experience to that I no longer pick on people or talk down to them. I’ve learned that no matter how tough you think you are you really don’t know how much of. A coward you are until you’re put in a situation where you have absolute no say so but do as told. You’re not even close to imagining you’re unbeatable. Lesson learned, those kids taught me the hard way, they even made me believe they were right that. I. Was a p*** looking. For them to pleasure myself and this was my punishment for that negative thinking. It took one little girl making my d*** get so hard for so long it started. Hurting as it pulsated and I exploded with the longest e********** ever. Atop the humiliation that the other kids were laughing at me through the whole ordeal.
After getting an a** whooping naked in front of the kids and realizing the whole thing was recorded I was returned and released send with a flat warning of disclosure. This is a confession not a disclosure. I’ve learned my lesson.

I have a secret. I love a Shaolin warrior monk, but he’s not a monk anymore. I keep my feelings hidden, but my love for him grows stronger every day. I don’t want to tell him, so I keep it to myself. Then, he changed his path and became an actor. I had no idea he was acting. I was shocked to see him online with so many followers and fans. It feels like he’s above me now, and all I can do is cry. I can’t reach him because he’s so popular. I love him deeply. I get jealous when other women tell him they love him. I feel hopeless because he has so many fans. If he knew how I felt, he would probably just see me as another fan.

I still love him and hide my feelings. There are good days and bad days, and I often cry. When I feel jealous or see another woman flirting with him, I cry a lot. It hurts so much that I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I’ve held on for years. I cry every year. I feel okay sometimes, but when I get hurt again, the tears come back. It’s like I could cry blood. One woman even told him she ‘longs’ for him. I cried again. It’s overwhelming how many women love him. I think the women in his circle are rich and beautiful.I did nothing but hide because if he knew I love him, he would likely see me as just a fan.

Back then, when he was a Shaolin warrior monk, I was struggling with my feelings. I dreamed of him leaving his monk life to marry me. I wanted to be his girlfriend and then his wife. I had these dreams, but I knew they were impossible. My mind was fighting my heart, telling me it wasn’t allowed. Later, when he became an actor, I thought maybe he would go back to being a monk so no woman would pursue him. I let him go to a woman I knew was close to him. I felt jealous because I had nothing to offer, but she had what he needed. I gave him to her. Still, I tried to be selfless. I knew I was losing to her, but deep down, I wished he was mine. I really love him, but there’s nothing I can do.

Now, he doesn’t know how much I love him. I love him so much. I just keep looking at his social media. I also check the account of the girl who likes him and is now his friend, I think.

I lose. I really lose. If only… if only he were mine. Just mine. My heart is calling out for him. I love him so much. So much.