simply confess

confess

my confession, i would love if some one could call me once a week to say” hi how are you? ” so i could feel like i can exist. i’m the most loneliest girl in the world.
i’m 23 years old and have no friends & no social life. and i wish people knew my pain, i was bullied all my life, i was used, humiliated and hurt by a lot of people and now i’m afraid, i’m afraid of people and afraid of what will happen if i keep living like this. nobody every calls and i must be a bad person, a sad pathetic loser.

LM you write amazingly!

Sorry
Je t’aime T

I still want to love you because i’m an idiot and you’re not worth it!

‘Give me a reason, why would you want me to live and die, living a lie? You were the answer, all that I needed to justify, justify my life.’

I don’t know anymore.
These past seven months have been extremely confusing.

Why is it that most of the shit that happens to me and makes me want to beat my brain out of my head have to involve boys? God. It’s so annoying.

I got boy drama and I don’t even have a boyfriend. what the fuck is that shit? It’s stupid.

Why?

Because most of the conflict isn’t external. It’s internal.

Okay, so here’s the thing:

I had a boyfriend for a year, he was my first love. Shit didn’t work out though so we ended it.
I still loved the idiot and it took MONTHS to get over him.
I finally did.
But during that time, I had a crush on this one guy who i kinda know but it wasn’t an extremely hard crush so it ended up dying away.
But you see, during this time, after the break up and during the time I liked this kid, his best friend started liking me.
I don’t like the dude, he’s cool and all but no.
Then I stopped liking guy B and guy C still liked me and all the while i was friends with benefits with guy A.
But I ended that shit with guy A and guy B still likes me and I don’t like him.

And all was fine and dandy…

Until guy D appeared.

You see, guy D has been in my life for quite a while now, we’ve been friends and he’s freaking cool.
But I just actually noticed guy D. Like, ACTUALLY noticed him.

like actually saw him.

And now, I’m back were i started. WAY back to two years ago. Back to that stage where I’m extremely confused. back when there was a guy Z and there was guy A.

Guy D…

I don’t know if what i feel for him is what I felt for guy Z or what I started feeling for guy A.

rsjterngjernjerkm

I HATE THIS SHIT.

I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE HIM ON PURPOSE. MY MIND JUST DECIDED THAT “OH HEY, LOOK, HE’S COOL. HE’S YOUR FRIEND, WHY NOT START LIKING HIM?”

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, I HATE YOU MIND, I HATE YOU! YOU MAKE MY LIFE SO COMPLICATED WITHOUT ME EVEN TRYING.

I hadn’t had a crush for about 3 months. Why now?

Why confuse me NOW?

….

That isn’t fair…

That’s not FUCKING fair!!!!

Tonight you saved my life without even knowing it. Even though it was nothing
A.

I am emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to my boyfriend. When we fight I lose it when he trys to leave and I lash out and beat him with all my strength. Its like a side of me cuts off and I just want to hurt him like his hurt me in the past. He is such a sweet guy who only loves me and has changed and matured for our relationship. I pull his hair and yank him around and kick and scream at him when i feel like I have no control over the situation anymore… I am pregnant now and its just making it worse…. I NEED to change for the sake of my 6 year relationship and my unborn child

No love lost, no love found.

c’est pas que je l’aime encore… c’est que parfois c’est dur de let go de quelqu’un a qui on a donne une part de soi meme… parce que c’est justement comme si on quittait cette part de soi-meme… et j’aimais cette part de moi…
Mais le probleme, c’est que ce “moi”, je ne sais pas a qui je l’ai donne. Parce que je ne sais plus qui tu es vraiment. C’est drole. On croit connaitre une personne. Et puis les illusions tombent une a une…

I like him. He won’t let me like him!

Je reve ske tu me fai
Tu ma di c t un pari e c un pari idiot e tu me block?
Do you know how much I care?
Et no walking away is not a solution, never give up no matter what meme si je sai pa de koi tu parle
O moin je sai ke tu check ici mem si tu va pa rep
Jen ai marre
Bye

I might have started developing a crush…

I don’t know.

I can’t tell anyone. I’m not sure.

I hope not.

But he’s so amazing. He’s sooo…. he’s everything I’ve been looking for for a very long time.

I hope it isn’t a crush.

That’d be weird. Extremely weird. No.

He’s just sooo… so amazing.

You know?

He’s got this creative flair to him that I crave in every guy. He’s got this sense of humor that I enjoy. He’s got a head full of ideals and morals that for the most part match mine. He’s got this respect and chivalry to him. He’s got a joy for life, a sense of just living. He just… he’s so amazing.

But i hope not…

He’s three years older than me and he’s an awesome friend, and i crave for him. A lot lately. I don’t know why it suddenly appeared. Why lately I’ve been just craving for his company. And I try not making it obvious. I make sure no one realizes I love being at his side. I don’t know.

I don’t know what this is.

I don’t know if i just think he’s awesome.

I don’t know if it’s a crush.

I’m so confused.

I hope not.

Because in my life, I’ve only had two boyfriends, only one of them was a real relationship.

But we clashed. We always clashed. It wasn’t gonna work out.

But with him… I just love spending time. I love talking to him.

We can talk for hours and hours and just talk.

Talk about art.
Talk about politics.
Talk about the stupidest shit ever.

I don’t know.

I might just be in awe with him and his personality.

I might just think he’s super cool.

That might just be it.

I’M SO FUCKING CONFUSED.

And there’s no one to talk to about it. :\

My mothers ex boyfriend molested me for years. Then my brother raped me. I know that he was abused too but how could he do that to me! Now I’m broken. It’s been nine years and I’m still not over it. I’m now 22 and I’ve never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. My friends are getting married and partying. And I stay at home and make up a fake life to tell them when I see them next. Why DID YOU BREAK ME!!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! AND IT ALWAYS HURTS!!

Chose que tu ne sais pas? Je t’aime toujours.