simply confess

confess

It’s weird to say it… but although you’re 10 years older than me, I really think that you’re falling for me…
You open the subject today and we talked about it… You were nervous and afraid…
And you told me that you’re afraid for me… me being with a guy like you… you told me that you can lead me to no good… But I could see the way you looked at me… the way you hugged me, and you said that you didn’t want to let me go… I don’t think that you were acting… I think that you’re confused… and I feel awful about that… because I don’t even know what I want :/ …
You know? I really wanted to kiss you that night… and I know that you saw that in my eyes…
You’re not my type of guy… Again.
But why do I always have stories like that with guys that are not my type… so weird!

It’s been nice knowing you guys.

- TTSP

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them.

I managed to live my life without you…
And guess what?
I am sooo good without you… oh yeah… believe it or not…
It’s weird, I thought that I’ll never move on completely…
You’re an amazing guy, but a very stubborn one also…
See you in a few days…

I was just on a crossroad and a man driving who seemed to be a police officer stopped for me from the left side to pass. I was going to turn left and another car was passing by the officer’s car on the right…So I couldn’t pass and I rolled my eyes backwards mad. The officer thought I was mad at him, he stopped his car coming down. Asked me “what’s the problem?” and I said “sorry officer it wasn’t you it was the other guy on the road who closed the traffic”

Well I’m lucky the officer only slammed the door afterwards and not more. A lesson for me to be more careful next time. My day goes on…

Was at X’s house with Y and Z today. The 3 of them hate A. A is B’s ex. B is my partner. X, Y, Z and I searched in A’s stuff while A wasn’t there, and found bullets and stolen stuff. Told B about it. Tonight, X tells me A found out we searched in their stuff. Who told? X, Y, Z, or B? Or maybe was it I.. Trust has become fiction.

Well… Lately I have been feeling terrible. A situation has been making me sad. Some say that these types of problems are jus lack of real problems, but its just what I feel. I will start the story from the begining: I met my best friend when we were in 3rd grade. We have so many things alike everyone would say we are sisters. That was what made our friendship so strong; however, as years passed by and we began getting older our search for being unique and special became stronger. We used to wear the same sweater for school, change shoes, and even trade dolls; however, now days we try to seem different. Everyone began saying we were the same person, that we “shared brain”, and that got to us in a bad way. Some time ago we started to try and make everything different, even without thinking about it. MY probolem is: I cant take it anymore. She has played piano a long, long time. Since I was little I wanted to play an instrument, but my parents wouldnt encourage me. Later on, I started to play guitar, but deep in my heart I knew it wasnt what i wanted… what inside I really wanted and liked was the piano. Lately that feeling has gotten stronger, and I realized I only played guitar to satisfy a need- that isnt getting satisfied. Everyone would say its easy: just play the piano. Its not. I dont do it because of her. I wouldnt do that to her. That would hurt our friendship so badly, and even hurt her so badly I couldnt simply do it. One of my favorite songs is piano, lately everytime I listen to it I cant help but cry… All I do is keep this to myself so I wont hurt her, but its just growing stronger.

“nous nous mourrons d’amour si nous ne pouvons en vivre”

C’est peut-être un monde fait de décence, de silence, de résistance
Un équilibre fragile, un oiseau dans l’orage, une frontière étroite entre souffrance et espérance.
Ouvre un peu les yeux, c’est surtout un monde de courage.

So… I’ve been raped by a person I used to set up higher than anybody else, I’ve been cheated on in front of my face, i’ve been treated like a sexual toy by some of my supposedly “best friends”. Someone made me believe he loved me when he didn’t care, and god knows how much I loved him, how much I’ve given him everything, how much energy I’ve wasted in fighting for him, cause he made me believe he was worth fighting the whole world for him.
My parents? well they haven’t really set a great example on love and marriage. I don’t even know what it’s like having two parents who love each other, I was so little when they cut it off.
So love? Nah, despite all the appearances, I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in happiness anymore either. I don’t believe in me. People treated me like shit, abusing me, careless. Why would I believe in me? I don’t believe in anything I think. Fuck it, fuck it all, I don’t even know why I am still here. Maybe ending it would be the solution. I’ve always qualified suicide as an act of cowardice. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe it’s an act of courage. It’s just embracing the fact that some people’s life are way too fucked up to be fixed. For years now, I’ve been trying to fix mine. But with every small gulp of oxygene, the waves come, bigger and bigger, drowning me, deeper and deeper.
What’s the point of resisting? I could just let go, and then I would feel nothing. No pain, no sense of failure, I won’t ever be disappointed anymore. Maybe feeling nothing is happiness. I don’t know.

hi poupee:D

Do you believe in karma? Cause I feel like I’m being punished for every guy I dumped, every guy I couldn’t love. As if I can’t be loved anymore. For nearly 3 yrs now, I’ve been living “on rollycoasters”, I feel like my life is a yoyo that stays much more time down than up.
But for the past 6 months, I’ve been feeling like being stabbed by a knife in the heart wouldn’t make a difference. It doesn’t even hurt anymore. Sometimes the pain is too big, and you just feel numb, you don’t feel it. You might even faint, but you get passed the physical pain of the wound.
I don’t feel it anymore. It’s still here but I don’t feel anything. And I’m afraid I’m never gonna be able to feel anything at all…

you still have all of me

I’m seriously considering having an affair with a friend of mine. I’ve got mixed feelings about it. He’s kind of a man whore and I don’t know how I feel about being just another notch. But since my husband’s affair I don’t feel pretty or attractive, and this friend makes me feel good and desireable. He’s hinted he would sleep with me if given half a chance. I’ve never had an affair of any kind before. I don’t even know how it works. It’s a rush to be wanted again. To feel attractive again. To know that someone wants me. That even if my marriage fails, someone wants me. It feels really good. I keep obsessing over the guy, looking at his FB page, anything to see his face. It’s pathetic, I’m sure. Heartbroken wife needs an affair to make herself feel better. And it is pathetic. But so is my asshole husband for fucking around on me. And while I know that a wrong and a wrong don’t make a right, it just might make me feel better. And when my husband says he understands how I feel, well, maybe if HE was the one who got cheated on, maybe then he can REALLY understand.

I am gone the moment you see me. But will be back moons later.

Zorro