So… I’ve been raped by a person I used to set up higher than anybody else, I’ve been cheated on in front of my face, i’ve been treated like a sexual toy by some of my supposedly “best friends”. Someone made me believe he loved me when he didn’t care, and god knows how much I loved him, how much I’ve given him everything, how much energy I’ve wasted in fighting for him, cause he made me believe he was worth fighting the whole world for him.
My parents? well they haven’t really set a great example on love and marriage. I don’t even know what it’s like having two parents who love each other, I was so little when they cut it off.
So love? Nah, despite all the appearances, I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in happiness anymore either. I don’t believe in me. People treated me like shit, abusing me, careless. Why would I believe in me? I don’t believe in anything I think. Fuck it, fuck it all, I don’t even know why I am still here. Maybe ending it would be the solution. I’ve always qualified suicide as an act of cowardice. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe it’s an act of courage. It’s just embracing the fact that some people’s life are way too fucked up to be fixed. For years now, I’ve been trying to fix mine. But with every small gulp of oxygene, the waves come, bigger and bigger, drowning me, deeper and deeper.
What’s the point of resisting? I could just let go, and then I would feel nothing. No pain, no sense of failure, I won’t ever be disappointed anymore. Maybe feeling nothing is happiness. I don’t know.
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“So… I’ve been raped by a person I used to set up higher than anybody else”
Why did you put this person on a pedestal? Is he God? What is the lesson from all that happened? Hope this helps…
Zorro
It’s not that i put the person on a pedestal like you would with God or something. But he was my role model, like a father to me, he was what I wanted to be later on…
I wouldnt say that all this shit didnt teach me important lessons. But sometimes, it gets just way too overwhelming…