simply confess

they don’t need me
they don’t want me
but i’m too tired
to end my wretched existence
i quit

I blew up at my friend last time after having repressed my anger. Afraid of telling him about what I really feel, it created more anger over the time and I grew sick of carrying it on my shoulders.

Fuck that! I just blew up. Finally!! he listens. He was trying to mess around last time with his silly jokes. I wasn’t in the mood for any joking at the time and I warned him 3 times. Till eventually kaboom!! he had to see me really yell.

good news is he appologized. We played amazing gigs afterwards and I felt awesome.

OAG

This song speaks my mind at the moment.

Lilith

I don’t understand my sever mood swings. Remember I am the bipolar one. so how should i expect others to understand, even my parents i’m living with for the moment? I am aware of the panic in their eyes when i do switch between the two extremes…. i haave to cope with work in between…but working is helping me a lot…tired….of this life…and of myself…

the last time i kissed was in my boyfriend’s room.. we were having lunch with his family and when we were done we went to his room.. he was on the bed and wasnt planning for anything.. i curled up next to him and started licking his ear.. i went on top of him and took my blouse off.. he put me below him and we started dry humping.. i got so excited and started moaning so bad.. his lips against mine.. me sucking his lips and biting his ear.. him touching my breasts and sucking my nipples.. that was so nice.. we broke up and im dying to kiss someoneeee.. it’s been like 5 months.. im 16 and i fantasize the whole time about sex.. i need a partner to kiss or soo but we’re in lebanon and i cant get one without ruining my reputation.. what shall i do?

My friend S. died in a car crash just less than two years ago. We went to high school together. I was really attached to her because I had always been sort of a shy wallflower and she made a special effort to make me feel included, without talking down to me. She was always sincerely friendly, not the kind of false friendliness that people put on when they’re trying to be nice, but the kind of friendliness that goes on between people that have known each other for a long time. She always had a smile for everyone, and could make anyone feel comfortable. She never knew my last name, and I didn’t know hers until after she died.

When the news of her death came to school, nearly everyone was upset. It was the first of three fatal car crashes of high school students that year. My other friends were especially upset. Some of them had really puffy eyes the next day, others were just brooding. Some reacted gratefully to a hug, others gave me a weird look. It didn’t really sink in for me, it just kind of stayed on the surface as a fact, like a puddle on hard ground. I wasn’t preoccupied by the matter, didn’t see the school pyschologist who offered to talk to friends of her and the boy who remained in critical condition but still survived. I didn’t cry, and I didn’t really think about it. It didn’t really stay in my mind much.

Then, three days ago, I was driving home. My mind was sort of blank, and I was just kind of observing the road pass by. I passed construction work on the road I was on, and for some reason she, and her death just sort of drifted into my mind. I don’t really know what caused it to. Her death was at night, around midnight or later. I was driving at around 2:30 pm. It was a clear, cool night for her. It was a humid, drizzly afternoon for me. She was going home from a band competition/party, rushing at 70ish mph to get home. I was going slowly from school. She was unbuckled, in the back seat, going with friends. I was alone, and buckled, watching the roadwork police officers wave me on. There was no similarities between the situations, no notable trigger for a memory, other than driving, and even then in different types of cars. Additionally, there were tons of other times that I’d been driving along without remembering it.

Anyways, my eyes started watering and I got really heavy. I cried for the first time over her death since it happened my freshman year. I don’t understand why it took so long for it to sink in, and now I can’t get it off my mind. I haven’t cried about it since, either, but I can’t really push it away again. It’s not like it’s the constant center of my attention, more like that it’s just sort of floating in the shadows and occasionally peaking out since I remembered it. As I said, it hasn’t made me cry since that one time, nor has it moved me to tears again, but it still makes me heavy.

I don’t understand why it took so long. I don’t understand why it only made me cry once. I don’t understand why it took so long to register emotionally, when factually it was accepted rather quickly.

I want to run away.

j’ai mal, tres mal. mais je ne peux le dire a personne:(

j’ai mal, tres mal. mais je ne peux le dire a personne:(

I was subject to sexual abuse when i was a child, bipolar with severe depressive episodes, several suicidal attempts, hide my pain most of the time and when i try to talk, people think it’s ghenej even if they know me very well. Maybe they should experience what it is to have your mood swing as a yoyo or to feel helpless most of the time or work on the streets crying, not knowing where to go or to wake up a morning and find that you have spent a 1000USD in a manic episode or trapped yourself in a project and you’re not functional anymore.

why is it sooo hard for a Lebanese to have sex in Lebanon!!!

I cant but say how ashamed to experience a religious discrimination… People have gone off limits, and i cant accept it… Some Lebanese need new morals, need a new education, these people need purification… I am ashamed and ashamed i am… I pity you ***…

I want to quit the organization i work in, i sent my resignation letter, and my boss refused it, since he believes me a lot, and depends on my hardwork, im his favorite! BUT i cant handle it anymore!! what to do? PLEASE advice!

It’s been almost 2 years since ive seen you or spoken to you, since we broke up. ive even been with different guys (nothing serious though).. yet i find myself dreaming of you often.. playing with your hair and seeing that glow in your eyes.consciously I really don’t think about you nor have any feelings. and till this moment i believe i’m over you.. but what are all these dreams and random memories?
i thought i was making progress this whole time and im starting to doubt that i’m still at the start. like ive been lying to myself? Oh no. i really want to be over you. it’s best for me….

Dear fren, u really hurt me!! Izit wrong as a girl to have a boy as a close friend? NO!! Its not! What the big deal bout having a boy as a close friend. Owh Gosh!