simply confess

i think i can love her and make her love me back if she gives me the chance to do that… i lived a lifetime with her in my head… and i just want to actually live it, if only she wasn’t so far away… maybe it won’t be for a long time, but just while it lasts at least.. and some way i think she is expecting more…

i’m hungry!

Hi all.My name is Chin Yen Ling.I’m a chinese that is born in Malaysia.Here’s a story about me.I fell in love with my best friend,Calven Yap Vern Weii at standard 3.And now i’m standard 6.He is my classmate from standard 2 to standard 6.For me,he is a kind,lovely,cute boy.People may think that he is ugly but for me he is my everything.I will always chat with him in Windows Live Mesenger everynight.We would always chat about school life.One night,while i was chatting with him,he suddenly tell me that he love me.I wanna tell him that i love him too but i just cant open my mouth.I just cant type the word “I love you too Calven”.After a few day,Calven’s freind,Dharminraj,which is also my best friend,ask me wether i love Calven or not.I told Dharminraj “no”.During that time,i really wanna tell Dharminraj “yes,i love him” but i cant.Today, i wanna confess to him.But i’m afraid to do so.So i’m planning to confess to him on Sunday which is 28February2010.Its my friend’s birthday party.

So i wish that everything will be great.

Written by,
-Yen Ling-

26February2010

I wish i can add Taunte Wissam as a friend on facebook!

I wish i can add Taunte Wissam as a friend on facebook!

I’m trying not to think about him, but I can’t get him out of my head.

He hurt me really bad; I really liked him and he knew this even though I never said it to him, he knew it.

2 weeks ago he was acting weird and that day I was feeling down, I guess I knew what was coming. He tells me he has to talk to me and he asks what’s bothering me, but I really had no idea what it was that bothered me. First he told me that he knew I liked him, but he didn’t want anything more and I was totally fine with that. I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was looking for a person to spen time with and have fun with.

The week before I told him about how the really bad quality of a guy are those who are dishonest. I told him the story about this guy who led me on and in the end we ended up not being friends at all. He said, “I’m not one of those guys, I’m not a jerk, I won’t do that to you…Ima be straight up.” Lies. He contradicted himself, he became the jerk, he is such a hypocrite. Ugh it gets me so angry.

He led me on; he kissed me, held my hand, took me out…what the hell was that? It pretty much seemed like he liked me. And when he said he just wanted to be friends I just felt so stupid.

How could I be so naive, so stupid to believe him. It’s always hard for me to trust people for this kind of reason, I hate getting hurt and the one time I begin to let a person in he hurts me. I felt used, like he only called when he needed company or someone to talk to, but when I wanted to hang out he had to make up some lame excuse…psh…whatever.

And then he goes off telling me that he is actually hung up on some one else…WOW…thank you, that is exactly what I want to hear right now.

I held in my tears and I told him he could leave if he had somewhere to be, and he did leave. Right when he left I let out my tears and listened to music and read my book. He still wants to be friends but no matter how unawkward he wants it to be it’s still gonna be awkward no matter what. I avoided him for the first few days if last week but on thursday I saw him and said hi and we talked for a bit…it was awkward. I’m gonna try my best to be his friend, but i can’t gurantee anything.

i’ve been wishing my ex boyfriend death for the past two weeks, and i’ve been meaning it from all my heart. sometimes i dream about hurting him and enjoying it.

I’m 16 and I’ve been lying to my dad these last two weeks, about going to school, when I’ve really just called in sick and strolled around in the house everday. When he comes home and asks me how school’s been, I say ‘Great!’ and change the subject.
I want to go to school, but I can’t, because I haven’t done my assignments and I’m scared to face those whom I’ve let down in neglecting my duties. My days all pretty much look the same now: I sleep till the afternoon, go up and eat something, then I watch tv and sit infront of the computer until my dad calls to tell me he’s on his way home, then I get dressed and ensures there’s no evidence around.
This skipping and lying is causing me great distress and anxiety, I worry so much and cry when it feels to heavy, and I’m so lonely and miserable I don’t know what to do! I simply want to cease to exist, but I’m unable to commit suicide and besides, I’m not really depressed. In a way, I wish I were, because then I would be allowed to cry, and to neglect all that’s important, as oppossed to now, when it’s just like I’m lazy and sloppy.
I don’t know for how long I’ve felt this worthless, the greater part of my life, it seems like when looking back. I am pathetic; the lowest, most disgusting creature. My self-esteem is practically nonexistant. I’ve put everything from schoolwork and cleaning to social life and health on this high piedestal. These last few years I’ve stayed at home from school increasingly. I know I have no future, at least not if I don’t change drastically, and I can already see my gross, pathetic future self looking back at this moment wondering why I didn’t appreciate my youth. That’s why I should dissappear. Sorry if this was a long post, just felt like getting it off my chest.

even though i act like it doesnt bother me and i could care less, it kills me to know how much i liked u. && to know how u lied like it was nothin, & to know how evryday i have to put on this strong face, and act like i dnt throw up a lil bit in my mouth evry time i see you and your ugly ass gap tooth g/f. But its not her i got the problem wif, im just sayin, shes ugly…

My bestest friend and i had a weird conversation two days ago. i think he was struck with V-day fever, cos he tried to make me spell out ho i feel about him. i think he wanted me to say i like him a lot, so he could say the same…but he’s always told me how he likes this other girl who doesnt feel the same way. and that’s how he began this convoluted conversation. while insisting that he loved the other girl , he said he’d be unable to refuse me if i said i had feelings for him. i felt rather bad, cos i felt like a replacement for the other girl, and cos he didnt ask me straight out. i guess i was a little sharp, i told him not to insult my intelligence by assuming i’d fall for a guy who’s mooning after another girlfriend.it may have been hurtful to him, but i felt like i was his last resort or something. he got upset and left.i apologized for my behaviour the next time we chatted online, and he was reasonably civil about it then, but he refuses to acknowledge my presence in college, he walks right past me without even looking. i’ve lost a friend, and i don’t like the abruptness of it.

A year back, we started out as friends, became best friends, everything was so simple, so easy, I developed somewhat of a love for him 6 months back, but never expressed it in fear of pushing him away. I hid it knowing there was no chance for me and him together (heck, I always viewed him as a brother), but I always cared more, I asked about him more, I’ve always been the one to patch things up when they got tense despite it being his fault, to sum it up, I’ve always been there for him, and him not as much. I feel my heart clenching when I think of the pain it causes me, the hurt I feel cannot be described. I was stupid enough to tell him about it 3 days ago, he was shocked, and saddened that that’s how I felt (cuz he’s been through “one-sided-love” as well, and it breaks him) I wasn’t heart-broken, not even slightly because it was no surprise. I’ve always told myself being friends is better than nothing at all. Telling him was worth taking the chance, I mean, who knows, he probably had a crush on me too… But I was mistaken, instead of it bringing us closer together, I feel that I truly have scared him away. I’ve been feeling really down for the past 3 days, and he hasn’t asked about me once. My throat is tight with pain the whole day, I cry myself to sleep, and my heart is aching. Because I’ve always CARED more, and I’m getting nothing in return.

I’m in love with a guy I haven’t seen for 4 years. I’ve tried dating other people but it just never compares. Valentine’s Day just reminds me of what could have been.

There’s this guy who’s been my friend for the past year. he’s a lot unlike me, and i was continually wondering how we became such good friends. I’m not like the girls here, i’m more of a tomboy, and i don;t really like wearing my emotions on my sleeve. and this guy looks like one of those ppl ready to beat up anyone in their way, or something, but in reality he’s a big softie. he melts if i yell at him or forget to say goodnight on the phone. a really big softie. we used to sms each other a lot, and he always ended the conversation with a GOodnight, Luv u. i figured that was just friendly, cos even though he tells me i’m really important to him, and all that, he’s also raving about the girl he’s in love with, who happens to have rejected him and is dating his friend.he always used to tell me that he wants our relationship to be platonic and i accepted that gladly, because i don’t think i could stand being in a relationship with him, i’d probably kill him, cos he takes even the smallest careless thing i say straight to heart. but sometimes i felt like he was using me as a replacement for that other girl. and then he’d say something nice, and i’d curse myself for being a bitch. somehow we gradually began talking less. both of us withdrew into ourselves a bit. and he began grumbling about how i never talk, when all he wanted me to do in the beginning was listen to him.now we’ve both returned to college after the holidays, when we’d been rather out of touch. once i came online and he was there, and he told me something along the lines of ‘I’m feeling really lonely, i really need you here.’i came back hoping to meet him right away. but i’ve been here a week, and he hasnt spoken to me once. he was online once and i said hi, but he didnt go beyond the barest civilities, and signed off soon…and annoyed as i could be with him being so blatantly emotional, i realise i miss him. a lot. and my pride tells me not to go begging him to talk to me again, cos i’m certain i’ve done nothing wrong. but i dont like losing friends, and it doesnt feel good when he walks past me pretending i dont exist.
Advice, please?

Will someone pleaseee explain to me why I still love a girl who treated me like shit. She got drunk during school and she knew that I hate drinking. She told there wasn’t an us after I told her that I really needed her at the time. She lied to me slot and after all that I sit love her, whyyy!?!!!?!?!?!??

Today was kinda TERRIBLE. I ran home at lunch to take a shower. Although feeling a little better I feel as if i’m all alone in this group of mine.