My boyfriend has an addiction to fetish porn about being dominated by giant females or women’s feet because he has mommy issues, the woman who raised him hit and abused him.
I have a lot of sympathy for the underlying cause, but…
His fetish is pathetic, and I think he is pathetic. Lies all the time till I can catch him, which I can easily because he’s not that smart or slick, and lies about stopping; I taught him incognito mode so that I don’t have to see it in my history or youtube history. (Youtube for porn? Really loser? On my account, you braindead twat?) I HAD TO TEACH HIM HOW TO USE INCOGITO MODE… I think that’s so pathetic. Now, I have just started looking at porn of any type that I want whenever I want too, since I know he still lies about it and I can tell from little quirks in the internet history or videos he shows me that he watched that don’t pop up in the history, might as well. I don’t even enjoy doing it anymore! The main thing I think about when I do it is how I need to do it for revenge, I literally don’t do it for desire at all, so it’s kind become a chore… He says he’s stopped completely and if he is still “struggling with it” he should be honest about it. Or else I really don’t think that effort was actually in earnest, and that he doesn’t actually feel like it’s wrong to be doing. Sometimes I want to leave it in the history to hurt him like it hurt me in the past, but truly I would rather want our relationship to “heal”. Or whatever, if that can ever happen.
He is extremely weak willed and I supported him for three years while he was unemployed.
He’s once used my car to drive an hour away to another city to visit an ex while I was at class and tried to hide it. He used my phone and failed to delete the texts. He wasn’t cheating (technically I’ll never know but I know to the best of my ability…), but I really thought the dishonesty was rude. He could have asked and I would have let him visit her! I mean he temporarily stole my car in all technicality because I didn’t give him permission to use it and take it that far!
Sometimes when we are going to have sex he might suggest looking at cartoon pictures of giant women while we do it, supposedly to help him think about me giant, obviously he hasn’t ever gotten me to agree considering I am right there and have feet.
I’m sure he probably thinks that his requests are innocent and that they made no real big impact, because he is an ignorant dense ass, but every time I have to say no to that and catch him asking I have to suppress a fantasy about chopping his dick clean off and throwing it in the garbage disposal. In reality, it just makes me want to hit him, really, really hard.
I really think his attitude towards me is far too entitled. Reasoning, talking, attempting to make the relationship an equal exchange don’t really work and usually boil down to an argument about what a bitch I am or how I don’t love him enough or this wouldn’t be a big deal. I wish I could really really hurt him in a way that would make him feel hurt like I did and regret the things he has done against me, said about me, and the way he has taken me for granted!
I haven’t even mentioned the part that he has lifted me up by the throat (Not hard, he’d be appalled if he ever saw this and thought I said he was “choking” me… HE wasn’t, though, really.), shoved me down a few times, has slapped me very hard, and screams at me a ton (I wish God would take his good screaming voice he is so proud of, because he is prideful of it. He’s got a great voice for a metal band!). He’s also broken two $250 TVs, and when he broke the second one, he immediately responded with the cliche “You made me do this!”! I wanted to snap his neck.
I have a strong fantasy about knocking him around the house the way I think he deserves for what he has done to me!! And making him feel as afraid of me as I can sometimes be of him when things get really loud or physical.
I recognize that when the physical stuff happened that this does pretty much chalk this one up as an abusive relationship, but I don’t believe in divorce. But wow, getting this out makes me feel so much better.
One time when I was telling him a dirty story during sex that is like about his fetish, we were talking about how if I was really really big he’d be so small that he could completely climb up inside my vagina, and then he asked what would happen if he was doing this and he got up to the back of my vagina (the cervix, obv. he doesn’t know what that is called.) like that…
And this led to one of my favorite fetish stories to date because it was so hilarious.
So I explained that in that back part is an even narrower passageway that connects back up into my uterus and stuff, so he was like…
Saying that he’d probably be small enough that he could climb up inside of there and stuff, lol, and then… I’m laughing insanely on the inside, dying of laughter really, because he’s pretty much done the job of “taking it there” for me without much help!! I just sat back wondering if that was really going to happen, and boy did it! He even starts to have the realization that,
“Oh, wait, is that like… Where your womb would be and stuff? Oh…”
So somehow I muster enough composure to not burst out laughing and explain gently that, yes, if I were to grow a baby inside of me it would in fact grow from inside my uterus, because that’s where chicks get pregnant in and where you came from, and he vaguely realizes that yes,
He has, in fact, just expressed a desire to crawl back into the womb to be part of the potential dialogue of his fetish that could be a potential psychological underlying cause to it.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure he managed to move on from that and suppress it really quick, lmao. I comforted him and told him I’m sure that he didn’t exactly mean for the sexual dialogue to go there. Even though I’m SURE that’s where his deep psyche wants to go, lmao. I had a pretty big grin on my face because of all the internal laughter. I bet it made me look friendly and comforting.
The embarrassment of that conversation is some of the sweetest revenge I have ever experienced, although I wish he would have gleaned the psychological insight from the experience and started to get grossed out by his own disgusting fetish. It’s extremely ungodly anyways because it’s about being destroyed by something you are idolizing in a sexual manner… And this boy converted ME into a CHRISTIAN? Don’t get me wrong, I still am, because the evidence stacks up in my mind. I just wonder how someone LIKE THAT talked me into being Christian when he is such a bad example…
He is a super pathetic man sized baby.
The truth is,
The strongest out of the urges I’m suppressing because of all this, and the only one I worry I’d ever make reality is the desire to commit suicide.